I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
