Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
