Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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