Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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