Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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