Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
