Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
