does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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