I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
