Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
