i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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