I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
