Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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