Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
