my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
