fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
