My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
