What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
