he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
