my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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