she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
