I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you had me at cake vodka
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
