We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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