This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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