is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who died my cat blue again?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
