i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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