That's when you crack a 10am beer
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
