he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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