I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
