forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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