i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
