I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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