Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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