I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
