Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
