I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
