Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
