Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
