Will you blow on my dice?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
