I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
