You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
