Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
