just tell him i said nine months
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
