I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
