Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this will be a night to untag.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
