Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
