did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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