I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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