Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
