If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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