why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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