Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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