She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
